Pain changes how life is filtered. It’s like entering a room that you want to exit but there’s no door. You want to get out and be anywhere beyond the excruciating nerve endings that set your body on fire. In my experience, my focus was on striving to stay in control of the emotions that wanted to send me over the edge. I took shallow breaths and looked upward. I focused on keeping the negative thoughts from sending me spiraling downward.
The nerve block began wearing off around 9 PM. Right when I wanted to go to sleep. But sleep would not come that night. Instead, I would lie and count the minutes until I could give myself another dose of medicine to hopefully cut back or kill the pain that grew in intensity.
As I was pinned to the bed, I reached beside me and stroked Vern’s smooth fur. Just having my little dog and husband nearby gave me a sense of strength and allowed me the ability to stay calm. But, as wonderful as it was to have others that cared from the outside, it was the knowledge that Jesus is within me that washed me with power.
Paul is given a thorn. No one knows exactly what it was, but it was bad enough for him to plead with God to take it away. You would think God would smooth away Paul’s troubles, but he doesn’t. Instead in 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 it states, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
Thankfully, the pain subsided and I am now managing it with medicine. Vern has stayed by my side and my daughter has joined forces this week to care for me. As I think back on those hours when the pain pushed me to my limit, I’m consumed with a gratitude in my heart for not only the relief I now have, but the experience of being made weak so Jesus could be made strong.