Long empty corridors with a dull yellow color painted from floor to ceiling. A room with no windows or bright pictures opens with a bed center stage. Lights off and a probe with a jelly presses up against my throat. A monitor that glows in the darkness. Images of what appears to be deep waters illuminate while pictures are taken. Conversations about nodules and nodes go back and forth between the two technicians.
Eyes closed. Visualizing walks on the beach and time in my garden. Places that bring solace to my soul. Time goes by, the pressure continues, and my concentration deepens. A song appears in my thoughts. A song about how faithful God is. “Every breath that I’m able, I’ll sing of the goodness of God. Your goodness is running after, is running after me.”
Light transforms the room as the technicians scurry out with the words that have become a part of my life. “Please wait here.” And as I sit awkwardly on a bed that isn’t for sitting, I wait. I bring out my journal and begin to write, a way to pass the empty seconds as they turn to minutes.
At last, we’re escorted back down the long empty corridors, passing the waiting room, and back into the lobby where a line has formed for those who are being admitted. We take a flight of steps that lead to a tunnel that takes us to the parking garage and to our car.
As we leave, the sun has risen and there is a brightness that brings everything to life. Once home, we are welcomed by Vern, who has been waiting. My husband, Vern and I head out on a walk to clear our minds and pass the time until the test results appear.
My hands shake as I open the app and click on test results. Medical jargon that’s difficult to decipher appear across the screen. Words that could be misconstrued. My heart drops as I see the word carcinoma, but after a call to my daughter, who is in the medical field, I feel better. My lymph nodes are normal and the cancer is contained to the thyroid.
And at that moment, I look over at Vern, and he is looking at me with a calm assurance that everything is going to be okay.
Song referred to is Goodness of God by Michael Bethany