In the Waiting

So yesterday, I received the phone call. Now I knew it must be unwelcome news. Usually, I will receive a message on My chart and go from there. But when I saw the phone number and then heard the voice message, I knew.

My husband and I were walking our dog Vern in the neighborhood and just as we began to converse with a neighbor, the phone rang. So as my husband and neighbor walked off, I answered the phone.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I am baffled when a doctor, nurse, or other health care professional wants to start the conversation by asking, “How are you doing today?” I know they are trying to be polite, but my reaction usually is “What do you think?” But this time, I responded with, “You tell me.”

So then when she asks me if I’m in a place that I can talk, I begin to feel a little queasy. My endorphins go into overdrive, my heart begins to beat faster, and my hands begin to perspire.

To be honest, I never believed I would ever hear the word “cancer”. But as the word came out, followed by we are ninety-nine percent sure, I knew what started as a routine visit to the doctor was now becoming an entirely new life event.

Yesterday, I was at the Rubenstein Library going through my grandfather’s archives that were dated in 1934. As I entered the library, the librarian stated, “I haven’t seen you in a while.” I responded with, “I’ve finished my book and now I’m not sure what to write about.” He then stated, “It will come to you.” And then after receiving the news, it actually came to me.

I want to preface this blog with one main point. My journey is my own unique experience. What I will encounter is different from yours. But on the other hand, I’m sure there are people that will be able to add their own spin off of mine. I know as I walk down this path, I believe there will be pain, fear, and a whole bunch of emotions that I can’t even imagine.

I also believe there will be a lot of WAITING. Already, there has been waiting. Waiting for test results, waiting in rooms filled with people going through their own situations, waiting for procedures I’ve never experienced and ones that I know are to come. And hopefully, waiting for the words, “You have been healed.”  

Many of you know I am an author of several books that I’ve self-published with my daughter. I am presently waiting for my latest book, Brodie Duke: The Man, the Myth, the Truth to be published. It has been a long agonizing process and it appears there will be more waiting on the horizon.

I’ve found from my past endeavors, that many times, God wants to redirect my attention. And I believe He does this for my good and His glory.

Philippians 4:13 has been on my mind a lot. Some translations state, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Other translations state, “I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”

The second translation leads us back to what Paul was referring to in verse 12. And that is where I want to leave today. “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”