Doors

When I awoke this morning, all I could think about were the doors I was about to enter. Doors, that I never thought I would have to go through. Doors that were securely shut and hoped would never be opened.

Our morning began with Jay and I hurrying to get to the doors that opened automatically into a huge lobby. Once we located the clinic inside the hospital, we sat down and began the wait for the door to open and my name be called. I had never sat in this position before. A place where I was the one with the diagnosis of cancer.

And as we waited, my nerves kicked in and I found myself trying to take slow even breaths to calm myself. And for the first time, I looked around, studying with empathy the others that were here, going through similar doors.

Finally, we were directed past a door, down a hallway, and into a small room painted with a dull yellow color. In the middle, taking up the majority of the space, was a wide seated chair which reminded me of a throne, one that no one wants to sit on.  Moments later, the door opens and two young doctors walk in and began asking me questions. After a few minutes of battering back and forth about symptoms and how I ended up here, they leave, closing the door behind them.

For a few moments, I thought I would be told that this was a mistake and I could leave, shutting the door behind me. But then when the surgeon comes in with his picture of a thyroid and begins drawing a large egg-shaped design right in the middle of it, I realize there is no mistake.

Given the type of cancer it is, there is a strong possibility it could mutate sending cancer cells into nearby lymph nodes. And so the decision was made to have the entire thyroid removed to cut the chances of further nodules from forming.

On the plus side of things, apparently this mass has been growing for a long time and the surgeon felt comfortable placing me on his surgical schedule for mid-December. So, other than a couple more doctor’s appointments and imaging, I’ll try to keep my mind preoccupied with another kind of door.

Psalm 100:4-5 states, “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations.”

So as I wait for surgery, my hope for the next couple of months, is to be able to spend time dwelling on the LORD’s courts and placing my thoughts and praise on the one who opens and closes doors.

On a side note: Vern has been very attentive and has been waiting at the door every day for our return.