Tag Archives: Fear

Paralyzed with Fear

I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.  It had been so long since I had seen Carl in this position that it took me a minute to realize what I was looking at. I had gotten up in the middle of the night and I happened to look in the hallway and there, paralyzed, was Carl.

Darkness was surrounding him on all sides. I could see Carl’s body shake and knew he was unable to make his way through the door and over to his bed. As I peered in the direction that he was looking, all I could see was Bee, our other French bull dog dozing on her pillow.

Fear can paralyze all of us. It can stop us in our tracks and surround us like the darkness of night. Whatever we are facing can seem too large for us to get through. To others it may seem as passive as a sleeping dog, but to us, it can be too massive to get around.

When the fear begins to continue to lie to us about our inability to move, there is someone that we need to picture in our minds. Someone who didn’t allow fear to dictate His next moves. Someone who knew the horrific events that He would have to get through on our behalf.

Jesus didn’t allow the fear of the night to stop Him from the journey that took him to the grave, the place where we fear the most. He did this so that we would continue when our hearts tell us to stop.

The same power that was used to raise Jesus from the dead is the same power that we as believers have to walk through our fears.

The only thing I could do when I saw Carl stuck in place was to escort him to his bed. He didn’t want to walk by his sister Bee so he took a detour under the bed and slid close to the outside wall. Even though it wasn’t the most direct route, he did have the courage to find his way to his bed.

Hopefully, the next time I am gripped with fear, I will be willing to find my way through it, even if I have to follow Carl’s example and take a detour.

Fighting off Anxiety

Anxiety swept over me like a wave splashing across my entire body.  I knew in my soul that something was terribly wrong and I didn’t know what to do. Carl could not be found and I truly believed that he might be gone forever.

Early each morning before the heat sets in, I have gone outside to water my garden.  Carl loves to follow me around and find something to smell or dig up. Typically, he stays close by and seems to know if he wonders off, he may lose his privilege of being free to roam.IMG_4042

This morning was different.  Before watering the yard, I placed my bag inside the car for an overnight trip with some friends. Carl knew something was up and started acting strangely. Instead of staying close by, he ran next door, sniffed around and then came back over to me.

This happened a couple of times until the little dog disappeared altogether.  To make matters worse, this was the busiest time of day for the commuters that speed by on the roads that frame our property.

As I realized that Carl was not to be found, my anxiety level increased and I began to pace up and down the road, calling his name. My greatest fear was that I would hear the screeching of brakes and find my little dog injured or killed in the road in front of my yard.

Initially I thought he must have made his way inside my neighbor’s house but when I looked inside the window, all looked quiet.  Afraid to wake them up, I made my way down the road to another house that Carl had entered a while back.

But there was no sign of Carl anywhere. At this time, my emotions were all over the place. I was fighting off the feelings that something horrible was happening.  My thoughts went from thinking the worst to believing that Carl would just appear.

How often, when we are faced with tragic circumstances, do we allow our thoughts to dictate our feelings?  Anxiety can come upon us in an instant and stay around way too long. David was no stranger to the feelings of anxiety. He had every reason to feel anxious as he was being pursued by Saul in his younger years and his own son Absalom in his older years.

How did this man overcome the anxiety that came with the threat of death?

Psalm 91:1-4 clearly demonstrates David’s conviction about how God will protect us.

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”

David focused on a God that is much larger than any problem that we may experience. Instead of spending his time dwelling in self-pity, he set his thoughts on the Lord.

After pacing up and down the road, I made my way into my backyard.  It was then that I saw the little dog run around the corner of the garage and make his way towards me. A sense of relief consumed me. I could have been angry towards Carl but I just couldn’t muster up negative feelings towards him.

As I opened the gate that led to the backyard, Carl pranced in and started chasing Bee like nothing had happened. Just knowing that he was okay was enough to send up a thank you up to God and to realize how grateful we all need to be for the little blessings of this life.IMG_4046

The Power of Fear

Power. It takes all kinds of shapes. Last night I saw it in its most primitive state. After feeding Carl and Bee, I went back into the bedroom and went back to sleep. A few minutes later I awoke to a feeling that something wasn’t right. I sat up and looked at the two dog beds and found them vacant.

Anxiety filled my heart as I arose and walked down the darkened hallway back into the kitchen. I wasn’t sure what I was going to find but I knew it wasn’t going to be good. There shivering in the corner was Carl. He had been trapped there by the power of fear.

Fear takes on a life of its own if it isn’t dealt with. In the last couple of months this has been clearly played out in the life of my dog Carl. But I know there are areas of my life that fear can grasp on to and squeeze harder if I am not careful.

When I was a young girl, I was involved in a boat accident that left me scarred for life. As I was under the water with the boat coming straight towards me, a fear was born. Little did I know that it would take on the shape that it did.

Obviously, I was afraid of boats but specifically catamarans. The flat surface of the boat was a perfect place to get trapped under if the boat flipped over. And then there are bridges, particularly high ones that lift the cars far above the water. Just the thought of these, makes my heart race and palms perspire.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6 sums up how we should all deal with our fears. The power of fears comes when we give it time to fester in our minds and hearts. If we instead turn our focus onto God and all His blessings, fear will lose its power.

But as for Carl, his fear has taken the shape of his sister dog Bee. Every time she stands in front of him and he backs down, her power over him increases. What started off as a little anxiety has blown up into a nightmare for all of us.

I would love to hear from anyone that may have a suggestion on how to resolve this issue.  I am out of ideas and am willing to try anything to bring our dogs back into a harmonious relationship.

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Storms In Our Lives

Carl has done it again.  His separation anxiety continues to be clearly displayed. This time, Jay’s new recliner was attacked and the chair lost.  Because Carl cannot be trusted in the house when we are away, he and Bee have been banned to the porch and back yard. If they want to come in, they can only come into the pantry where a gate closes off the rest of the house.

Another storm of life. Compared to other storms, this is minor but it is still a storm for us. And with the storm, questions about why it continues and how to get out of it rise in my mind. Why would God continue to set up storms for us?  We pray that God will take away the storms, but they keep coming. I believe the answer to this crucial question can be found in Matthew 14.

Jesus just fed the five thousand and he then makes his disciples get in a boat and travel ahead of him to the other side. After dismissing the crowds he takes the time to go up on a mountain and pray. While Jesus is praying on the mountain, a storm comes up. The waves are bashing against the boat and the disciples are feeling like they are going to die. Then what happens next is crazy. Jesus walks on the water towards the boat.

I wonder what I would have thought if I was trapped in a boat during a horrific storm and saw a man walking towards me. I am sure I would have been terrified and just wanted to close my eyes and pray that it would all go away. It is clear that these men had absolutely no control over their situation and were forced to rely on God.

Peter is the only one that demonstrates the faith needed to walk out on the water. But when he realizes his situation and takes his eyes off Jesus, he begins to doubt.  At that moment, he begins to sink and cries out to Jesus. And our savior did what he does best. He reaches down and saves Peter. Once they are back in the boat, the wind dies down.

There are a couple of events that took place here that can help us understand a little more about our Lord. First, notice that he made the disciples get in the boat even though he knew there would be a storm. In the same manner, God may create storms in our lives. Not to harm us but to encourage us to draw closer to him.

But it is what Jesus did after he made the disciples get the boat that brings me comfort. He goes to the mountain and prays. Which is what he does now when we are going through storms.  He is sitting at the right hand of God the father interceding for us as we fight off the squalls.

It only gets better here. After leaving the mountain, he comes to the disciples in the midst of their storm. He hasn’t abandoned them but draws near in the worst of times. All he asks is for us to do is to take our eyes off the storm and place them on him. Peter was able to do this for a moment but then he shifted his attention. Once he lost focus, he began to sink and cries out to Jesus.

The Bible in Matthew 14: 31 states, “Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught Peter. You of little faith, he said. Why did you doubt?” I am so thankful that Jesus is willing to reach down and pull me out of my mire during the storms of my life. All I need to do is ask and believe that he has my best interest at heart. Even when no answers can be found. I just need to trust him.

As for the storm with Carl. Jay has covered the hole with masking tape and we have been able to let go of the anger towards our little dog. This storm has helped us realize that the stuff that we own has no eternal value but forgiveness does.

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This Suffocating Feeling

There is a suffocating feeling that has been pressing down on me for the last couple of days. Exhaustion and a sense of sadness has wrapped its arms around me, squeezing me ever so tightly. Life before was so easy to glide through like a bird soaring over an open field.  Now, thoughts of reality have stumped my going forward, making even small tasks harder to perform.

This is what happens when something devastating happens to someone that has been a part of your life for so long. When there is nothing you can personally do but hold their hand and let them know that you are with them.

Questions of why want to rise up in my consciousness but I must push them away and focus on the truth. The truth lies in the fact that this person has been an undeserved gift along the journey of life. I never earned this friendship nor could ever recreate it even if I tried. I just need to treasure these times, even as difficult as they are.

Tears are falling and I heave a sigh that wants to explode inside of me. But I must turn away from sorrow and remember Jesus’s words, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) I must hold onto these words with all of my might as I continue down this path, ever knowing that He speaks the truth.

Suspended

When I was a little girl, I lived across the street from a park that had been created on a hilly incline with trees towering over and a creek slithering through it. There were shelters made out of boulders that smelled like charcoal from many a cookout. The rustic park also held all the traditional play equipment such as a see saw, sand box, and slide. These outdoor play structures would hold my attention for a couple of minutes but I would always gravitate to the swings.

These swings were not the ordinary ones you find today with all the protective seating and safety flooring to protect against falls. No these swings were set on top of the hill and had an extra high suspension bar. So when you got on and pumped a couple of times you were immediately taken out over the hilly incline where falling off would surely mean at least a bruised knee or sprained ankle.

It was on these swings that I spent many an afternoon contemplating about life, suspended between my real world, with all its problems to my carefree imaginary one. Each time I would lean back and pump my legs, I would be left drifting in space, with the worries of the day crumbling underneath me.

Oh to be young again and have an imagination that could lift me out of the day to day reality of life. Oh but I have something so much greater! Paul writes in Philippians 4:4-7 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I am forever thankful that God has given us all a way to have peace in our minds and our hearts. But just for the fun of it, I think I will return to the park on the hill, locate my favorite swing, and enjoy the ride.

The Murky Water

The murky water surrounded me like a tomb. I could feel the motion of the boat racing towards me and knew that this could be the end of my life. Instinct took over and my body plunged deeper towards the bottom of the lake. I seemed removed from the pain that seared throughout my body. As I raised myself to the surface, I became fixated on the blood that oozed from a wide gash and exposed muscle that used to be my upper arm. Everything began to move at a very fast pace. A boat full of people were racing towards me. As they approached their faces mirrored their fear of my condition. They seemed afraid to tell me that the propeller had also sliced through the left side of my back leaving slashes of open wounds. Without hesitation, my parents began wrapping me with towels and moving me to the car that would rush me to the local hospital.

These moments of time have been etched in my memory for decades. When I think back on this experience, I often question why I was allowed to survive. If I had been wearing a life preserver, I wouldn’t have been able to plunge to the depths needed to escape the full onslaught of the propeller blades. Even though I was badly injured and had to endure several major surgeries, no nerves were severed or bones broken.

Recently, I have tried to change my questions to God by asking “what” instead of “why”.  Why questions usually turn into negative assumptions about God.  On the other hand, what questions can produce spiritual growth if the answers are sought through his Word. Just this morning I stumbled upon a scripture that brought me comfort as I reflected on this frightening experience. Isaiah 43:1-2 “Fear not, for I have redeemed you.  I have summoned you by name: You are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.” How cool is it to think that God has summoned me by name and to feel assured by the fact that while under the water, God was truly with me.